Talks to Disciples
by Sri Chinmoy
at the Inter-Continental Hotel Phnom Penh, Cambodia
An inner conversation
Bhavani’s soul came this morning at exactly 3:29, our earthly time, to be blessed.* Good, very good blessings she received from her Master.
As soon as she came, she got frightened to death when she saw me meditating, high, higher, highest, looking at the picture of Mother Kali. The picture frame has some bright lights inside it. Bhavani asked, “What is this? What is this?”
I said, “You cannot recognise yourself?” Bhavani is an aspect of Mother Durga and Mother Kali! The electric lights were dazzling her and her soul got frightened. This is what happens. If you have not realised God, then even if you are a soul, you are bound to be frightened by these dazzling lights.
She looked at the lights. Then she turned around and I blessed her and blessed her. I said, “I am going to observe your birthday.” Her birthday is in January, on the 11th. Her soul will again come on that day. I said, “This time, stay a little. Do not get frightened and go away. I definitely told your son Sahadeva that I will observe his birthday today.”
Many things we discussed. We talked and talked. She is a good talker; I am a good talker. She talks in exactly the way she did in her human form — so fast! She can speak sixteen to the dozen, easily. Such love, such devotion, such surrender, where will you see? Mostly we talked about the world situation. I cannot share with you what we said. If it had been something purely on the spiritual level, then I could have told you. But it was not on the spiritual level; it was all on the political level.
I know the time was 3:29 because there is a watch under Mother Kali’s picture. One of the disciples bought this frame and placed the watch under it. The watch reminds us that earthly time, human time, has to be at the feet of the Heavenly time. Earthly time binds us; Heavenly time liberates us.
I was amused when Bhavani saw the picture of Mother Kali and the light was flashing. She got a little bit frightened. I was charmed and she was frightened.
Bhavani came today only for her son Sahadeva’s birthday. These souls are just on the next floor. There is a big mirror in between, so they can see us. As we are unhappy on earth with the world situation, they are infinitely more unhappy than we are, because they are on the top of the tree. They can see us far better than we can see them. We have to stretch our necks and strain and strain, but they can easily see us. When they see we are helpless and hopeless because of the world situation, they feel miserable. Again, they are equally helpless. They see we are suffering, but in no way are they able, at this point, to help us. That is why they are also suffering.
These souls suffer because they see that for various reasons Heaven cannot do things that Heaven wants to do for earth. Why? Precisely because earth does not want and does not need Heaven’s help. Such being the case, what can they do? If I have hunger, then somebody will come and feed me. If I have no hunger and somebody feels that I am hungry or thirsty, then I will say, “No, I am not hungry, I am not thirsty.” Again, if I am hungry and thirsty, I have my own way to quench my thirst and feed my hunger. Then what can be done?
* Bhavani, a disciple in the London Sri Chinmoy Centre along with her husband, Kaivalya, and their sons, Devashishu and Sahadeva, left this world on 25 December 2000.
If you are with me, then be for me
Dear ones, you have come here to be happy. I have come here also with the same purpose: to be happy. You know you have a certain way to make yourself happy and you feel that, if I do please you in your own way, then you will be happy. To those of you who expect me to make you happy all the time, I wish to say that it is an impossible task. Only God can fulfil your desire.
One or two disciples are saying that I do not give enough attention or adequate attention to meditation. With regard to meditation, you are judging me according to your own way. Early in the morning I pray and I offer you prayers and meditations. I feel that is more than enough. If you are a real disciple, you can practise on your own. There are some daily prayers that will definitely help in clearing the obscure, impure mind.
I want to live with those around me who will give me happy hearts, happy minds and happy faces. If you expect everything from me in your own way, I am the wrong person, absolutely the wrong person.
If God has given me realisation, if He has chosen me to be His representative on earth for Him, then to those who will remain faithful to me throughout Eternity, I give the assurance that I belong to them and they belong to me. If you are ready to be with me, then be for me — in body, vital, mind, heart and soul. Ask your heart if you are with me. If you are with me, then you are obliged to be for me.
I meditate in my own way. When one realises God, God meditates in and through him twenty-four hours a day. Apart from that, because of the world crises — which are not decreasing, but only increasing and increasing — there is not a single day that I do not meditate for at least seven hours. Some days I meditate nine to ten hours. Today I am talking, but I am also meditating. The way the disciples are supposed to pray and meditate, I am meditating a minimum of seven hours, sometimes nine or ten hours. When one comes into the world and takes responsibility for others, this is what he is supposed to do.
At night, the plays you perform are for relaxation. This is not a nightclub. Our performances are not soap operas; they are innocent relaxation. The whole day you are in the hustle and bustle of life and activity, so we have a little entertainment in the evening. Otherwise, some people may watch television or read newspapers or enjoy wild gossip. Our innocent plays give me boundless joy. This innocent relaxation is for your safety. I know what I have been going through and what God is going through. These plays give me, also, a little innocent relaxation.
Again, dear ones, if you are with me, then wholeheartedly be for me. Offer me your undivided attention. If you want to be with me and be faithful to me, then stay with me. Alas, when I look at some of your faces, I am seeing that your mind and heart are not here. Your mind is somewhere else, your heart is somewhere else, somewhere else.
Sri Ramakrishna had disciples like Nag Mahashoy who absolutely would not hear one word against their Master. If you are for me, then you can do me the biggest favour by sealing your ears to undivine comments. According to Indian philosophy, the worst possible sin is to hear people speaking ill of one’s Master. Sri Ramakrishna said this and other Masters say this.
I know I have some absolutely loyal disciples who will fight for me to the end. Then there are some disciples who write to me every second that they have made unconditional surrender, but the next moment, even ordinary surrender is farther than the farthest in their lives. It is not in writing but in action that your love, devotion and surrender must be expressed. When I look at you, when I look into your eyes, when I examine your heart, I wish to see that you are only for me, only for me. And if you are not only for me, what can I say? My boat is meant only for those who are one hundred per cent for me. Let me be with those who are one hundred per cent for me, inwardly and outwardly. While you are with me, while you are still on my path, only be for me. Only be for me.
Published in I Wanted to be a Seeker of the Infinite
Ashram Stories
by Sri Chinmoy
at the Inter-Continental Hotel Phnom Penh, Cambodia
An article on Swami Vivekananda
Many, many years ago my boss, Nolini, wrote excellent articles about Sri Ramakrishna. I also got the inspiration to write quite a few articles about Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda. For one occasion Nolini wrote only one article in Bengali, and I translated it into English. At that time I got the inspiration to write a book on Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda. I wanted to have it published.
Nolini said, “No.”
I could not ask him why, but he said, “The reason is that I am well established in the Ashram. I am the General Secretary. Everybody has tremendous love and respect for me.”
Nolini’s connection with Sri Aurobindo was closer than the closest. He told me, “In your case, people will be upset. If you publish a book on Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda, the ashramites will misunderstand you. They will scold you and they may insult you, so it is not advisable.”
Then I said, “Poor me, I have done something!”
“What have you done?” he asked.
I said, “I sent an article to the newspaper Amrita Bazar Patrika* in Calcutta.”
Nolini exclaimed, “What!”
With utmost respect and devotion I said, “What can I do?”
Nolini said, “All right. What can you do?”
I prayed to God, “O God, let the newspaper not use it, so that Nolini will not be upset!”
God did not listen to my prayers. In a few days’ time, when I was typing Nolini’s article, he came to me with such happiness, holding the newspaper. At first, when I saw that he was bringing the newspaper, I became frightened to death. Then, how could he be so nice to me? He started highly appreciating my article! Everything changed.
Nolini was a very, very, very high soul. Many times I can say it: a very high soul, a very high soul, a very high soul, a very high soul.
* It is believed that this is the newspaper Sri Chinmoy referred to.
If the Mother does not know, I do not know
Somebody asked the Mother* a question based on Indian philosophy. The Mother was not well acquainted with Indian philosophy. She said, “I cannot answer this question. Nolini has to answer it.”
Nolini said to the man who asked the question, “How do you expect me to answer? If the Mother does not know something, how am I supposed to know? I do not know anything about it. Whatever I know has come from the Mother. I do not know the answer to this question.”
Nolini was the supreme authority on Indian philosophy, but he said, “I do not know.” If the Mother had asked other Sri Aurobindo Ashram “philosophers,” God knows how many hours they would have taken to expound their philosophy! But Nolini was not of that type. He said, “If the Mother does not know, I do not know.”
* The Mother of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in Pobicherry, India.
Permission from the Mother
Here is another incident in Nolini’s life. My dearest friend Debu and I were running a handwritten Bengali magazine. We were joint editors. We were of the same age, perhaps fourteen or fifteen. Now Debu has become a great homeopath.
From time to time we had literary meetings. In those days we used to call our group a debating club. We went to Nolini for the Mother’s permission. We said to Nolini, “You will be the president when we have the meeting.” We tempted him, but it did not work!
Nolini went to the Mother, and the Mother said no. Now, my friend and I also had free access to the Mother. In the evening we spoke to the Mother, and the Mother immediately said yes. We were wonderful boys! We went to Nolini and told him, “The Mother said yes. We are going to have our meeting.” How foolish we were! We got permission from the Mother, but that was not enough. We were eager to show Nolini that we had done it. But instead of getting angry, Nolini said, “I am coming. I will preside.”
Alas! I said, “We have already got our mathematics teacher to be the president.” This fellow was nothing in comparison to Nolini.
Nolini said, “I do not mind. I am coming.”
Nolini did come to our meeting. He changed his mind after the Mother gave us permission.
The only gap between a human being and the Divine
It was said that the Mother never, never scolded Nolini for anything. But poor Amrita, the General Manager — God alone knows how many millions of times he was scolded! He was so nice, so affectionate, so devoted.
Nolini carried only very, very important messages about the world situation to the Mother. Amrita carried all the Ashram news. Once he said that the Mother was very displeased with a message he had given her about an engineer. She had a book in her hand and she threw it right at Amrita.
Amrita asked, “What have I done?”
The Mother said, “True, but where is that culprit? I do not see him here!”
There was such affection between Mother and son!
The Mother used to hold French classes for selected elderly people. She would answer their questions. One day Amrita was late. He stood at the door, and the Mother said, “On one condition you will be allowed to come inside. Tell me how far a human being is from the Divine.”
Amrita said, “How far?” Then he came as close to the Mother as possible, a few inches from her. He said, “I am answering you: this is the only gap between a human being and the Divine.”
At first Amrita was four or five metres away, but then he came right in front of the Mother and gave his answer.
Everybody laughed, and the Mother allowed Amrita to sit down.
Published in The Feet of the Supreme’s Compassion
I Wanted Renunciation
A reminiscence by Sri Chinmoy
in Kuantan, Malaysia
We have just watched a performance of my play about Sri Chaitanya. He threw his book on logic in the Ganges to save his friendship.
In 1951, for a few days I was thinking of sannyasa. Renunciation, renunciation — give up, give up everything! By that time I had many, many notebooks full of my poems, short stories and other writings. At around eight-thirty one night I said, “No more! These things are only for name and fame. I do not want name and fame. I do not care if people appreciate my poems; I do not want it. I want renunciation.”
The Bay of Bengal was less than a hundred metres from our house. I said to myself, “Now it is eight-thirty. Before my brothers come back, I will become a real renunciate.” The idea had come, so I took about twenty notebooks and I came out of my room to throw them into the Bay of Bengal.
There was a main gate that was huge and very heavy. We needed a key to open it on both sides. As I approached the gate, I was so happy that I was going to renounce my name and fame.
My brother Chitta usually used to come home at around nine-thirty or a quarter to ten. He was in the Ashram, praying and meditating. On this occasion, as soon as I opened the main gate, whom did I see? My brother Chitta! On that day, instead of nine-thirty or ten, he happened to come back at eight-thirty. I thought that, before he came back, it would all be over! He grabbed me and scolded me. Then I said, “I do not want name and fame.”
Chitta said, “All right, you do not want it, but I want name and fame for you! ” He grabbed all twenty of my notebooks and brought them back. If he had not appeared, today I would have been without those twenty notebooks.
That divine or foolish idea of renunciation came to me. Because of my brother, today I still have those notebooks. My brother usually came home at nine-thirty, or sometimes even at ten o’clock. But on that day, at eight-thirty he happened to appear! If he had come a minute or two later, by that time I would have reached the Bay of Bengal and all my notebooks would have disappeared.
I went through all kinds of experiences. My life is full of aspiration, renunciation and also some peculiar experiences.
It was God’s Will for my notebooks to be saved. Otherwise, would my brother have come home at eight-thirty on that day? There was no rhyme or reason for his early arrival. He said, “A voice within me was telling me that something was going wrong, something very serious was happening.” Something very serious was happening in my life: that was my brother’s feeling, so he came home to see what was wrong. How can I forget this experience!
Published in God-Made, God-Moulded, God-Shaped